Final Words: "Father, Forgive Them...."

Luke 23:26, 33-34a

 

February 22, 2015

Mark S. Bollwinkel

 

While dying on the cross Jesus says, "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing."  

The "them" certainly includes the Roman guards who were crucifying him and gambling for his garments.   Adam Hamilton in our Lenten study book Final Words from the Cross (Abingdon 2013) extends Jesus' intention to include the Temple authorities who orchestrated Jesus' arrest and trial, the crowds who are mocking him and Roman governor Pontus Pilate who condemned him although finding him innocent.   Hamilton also concludes that the "them" includes us, in fact, every human being who has ever lived.

 

"Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing."

It is a prayer actually.  Seems like prayer and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.    Jesus teaches:

 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemies', but I say to you, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you'..." (Matthew 5:43-44)

 

"...one of the disciples said to Jesus, 'Lord, teach us to pray...Jesus said, 'When you pray say this: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name....forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..." (Luke 11:1-4)

 

When it comes to forgiveness we need all the prayer we can get.

I would imagine that there is not a person in this room who has not been hurt by someone else during their lifetime, short or long.   If you've escaped betrayal, abuse, insult or heated conflict, consider yourself blessed.  Hurt and disappointment seem a common lot in human life. It is not hard to imagine that we have survivors of violence, assault or even murder in this congregation.  Platitudes about forgiveness may seem empty indeed for those whose lives have been violated by evil deeds.  

My hunch would be that there might be a few here this morning as well who have been, at one-time-or-another, on the giving side of the equation.  If you have lived a regret-free life consider yourself blessed.  As for me, I know that I have had plenty of opportunities to beg forgiveness for mistakes made, promises broken and feelings hurt.   I have fallen short of the glory of God and I am standing in the need of prayer.

There is nothing simple about forgiveness.  It is no wonder then that we invoke God's presence when we face with it.  We need all the help we can get to forgive, including divine.  Even Jesus did.

 

This Lenten season we will consider the last words spoken by Jesus on the on the day of his death.   Lent is the forty day season, not counting Sundays, of the church year when we remember Jesus’ forty days of temptation and testing in the desert in preparation for his ministry.  As we prepare ourselves for Palm Sunday, Holy Week and Easter we will consider the last words in the drama of the cross as they relate to our own spiritual journey.  Forgiveness is a huge part of that journey toward spiritual wholeness.

In 1979, at the age of 13, Matthew Boger was kicked out of his Newark, California home when he told his mother that he was gay.*  He survived by living on the streets eventually ending up in Los Angeles.  A year later in West Hollywood, Matthew was nearly beaten to death by a group of neo-Nazi skinheads in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant.  Tim Zaal gave the final kick to Matthew's forehead with his boot.  The skinheads all thought that they had killed Matthew as they drove back the suburbs.

But he survived, with scars still visible on his face from that night.  By 2006 he had escaped life on the streets and was working as a manager of the Simon Wiesenthal Center's Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles. 

During those same years, Tim Zaal had renounced his involvement in hate groups and the white supremacy movement.  He had become a computer programmer and started a family with a Jewish wife.  He volunteered his free time in an anti-hate task force, speaking to student groups about his past and personal/political transformation.

At one such talk at the Museum of Tolerance, Matthew and Tim struck up a conversation and discovered that they had met years before in that terrible night of violence.   Last year's Oscar nominated Documentary "Facing Fears" detailed how over the years these two very different men have become friends.  They consider each other members of each other's families.

Filmmaker and producer Jason Cohen insisted that the story not be simply about Matthew's forgiving Tim, but the journey that Tim had to make to forgive himself.   As a filmmaker Cohen wanted "to make viewers question their own capacity for change and for finding the humanity in one's adversaries." (Zack)

Both men had to face their fears in order to find forgiveness.  For Matthew he had to risk complete vulnerability as he related to the man who almost killed him.  For Tim he had to face the fear of the peer rejection that drove him to almost kill another human being rather than being seen as "weak".

Jesus had to face his fears as well.  Alone in prayer in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus certainly faced his fears before his arrest and trial, "Father, if it is possible let this cup pass from me; yet not my will but yours be done." (Mt 26:39-46, Mk 14:36-42, Lk 22:42-46)

"Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing."

Jesus said this to the soldiers and officials and crowds as they were crucifying him on the cross.  Who among us could forgive at such a moment?   Yet because he did, after he had breathed his last, one of the centurions he forgave says "Truly, this was the son of God." (Mt. 27:54, Mk 15:39, Lk 23:47)

Think for a moment about your favorite grudge…at home…at work…within your family.  Think for a moment about that one who has slighted you, or hurt you, maybe as a child, or a spouse or a parent.  Hold it in your mind just for a moment, that anger and resentment you still carry after all these weeks and months and years.   Hold it there and then consider this:

Forgiveness does not begin when we naively pretend that everything is all right.  Just the opposite.  It begins when we see things as they really are and find the courage to speak the truth.

Forgiveness is about letting go of the hatred, pain and guilt we carry for another.  It is not denying, or excusing or hiding it.  We can only “let go” when we have told the truth to the other, and to ourselves.

Our neighbor, child, boss or spouse may have indeed done a great harm.  There is no excuse for that.  Restitution should be paid.  We may want to get even, take revenge, and feel the joy of righteous vengeance.  Such feelings will only eat us up!

It is we who end up paying a terrible price for refusing to forgive.  Refusing to forgive hurts our relationships, our spirits and our health.

 

Forgiveness isn't an easy thing...it's hard to love people, but harder not to have them to love...if you've got someone in your life who caused you some pain, consider forgiveness. Because if you haven't, the pain is still there. And that kind of pain can do major damage to your thoughts, and to the ease with which you breathe. Don't wait for the, "I'm sorry." Just forgive. The way spring does winter. It simply lets it go, moves forward, blooms.  (Garrison Keillor, “A View from Mrs. Sundberg’s Window”, Prairie Home Companion, May 18, 2013)

 

Forgiveness is a huge part of the journey to spiritual wholeness.  Adam Hamilton suggests that "to live authentic lives, to be fully human we have to learn to forgive."  For us who follow Jesus, we learn that from him.

If God can forgive those who are carrying out his son's death sentence and those who created it, how much more will God forgive us?

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime; therefore, we are saved by hope.
 

Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we are saved by faith.

Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love.

No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own; therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness. 

 

(Reinhold Niebuhr, The Irony of American History, Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1952)

        

*          "Oscar-nominated 'Facing Fear" show hearts can change", Jessica Zack, SFGate.com, 

            2/22/14

Fruit of the Spirit: Joy

 Luke 1:39-45

February 15, 2015

Mark S. Bollwinkel

 

            Grandmother, a teacher, was sifting through all of the Christmas presents given to her by students and their parents at the kitchen table when three year old granddaughter asked, “Grandma why do you have so many presents?” to which she replied, “Because I know so many kind and generous people who want to give me presents.”   Granddaughter said, “I know why so many people give you presents, Grandma.  It’s because you are the best person on the whole planet!”

            Grandmother explained to me that this was one of those “I could have died and gone to heaven” moments in life.  There are few things better in life that when you are adored by a grandchild.  It is a moment of pure joy.

            Although in short supply joy comes in a variety of forms including surprises. 

The European Union formed after the collapse of the Soviet Union and its totalitarian Communism would adopt Beethoven’s 9^th symphony as its anthem. During Christmas 1989 in Berlin, Leonard Bernstein directed an international orchestra and choir performing Beethoven’s 9^th symphony, with its fourth and concluding movement commonly referred to as the “Ode to Joy” after the fall of the Berlin Wall.  Now that’s joy! [We sang its melody as our first hymn this morning, “Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee”.]

Joy can come in every day forms as well.   Getting an “A” on a test when you thought you didn’t do so well.  Your team winning a game against a heavily favored opponent.   The moment your spouse said “yes” to your proposal of marriage.  Making your last mortgage payment.   Remember that joy as a kid when you found yourself surrounded by family in front of the Christmas tree?

            In our gospel lesson this morning we hear the story of Mary’s encounter with cousin Elizabeth just after Mary has learned that she is pregnant by the Holy Spirit to give birth to the savior of the world.

Although very different in circumstance the two women had much in common.  

Both are unexpectedly ‘great with child’; Mary as a young girl pregnant before her marriage, Elizabeth an old woman, long after it was expected she would ever be a mother.  

In the Abrahamic covenant of the Hebrew people (Genesis 12:1-3), a Bedouin people dependent on childbirth for social security, people equated faith with progeny.  Israel was to be a great nation with as many children as the stars.   If you disobeyed sexual laws or failed to have children it was an affront to the community’s religious expectations.  As a result both women are objects of shame in their culture.  Mary pregnant before the wedding.   Elizabeth has been barren into her old age. 

            Both women will see their sons die prematurely as political dissidents.  John the Baptist beheaded as a threat to Herod.  Jesus crucified as a threat to the Roman occupation of Palestine.

            And when both women meet in our text this morning, they have in common their joy.

The apostle Paul writes, “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.” (Phil. 4:4) What the Bible describes as “joy” is a lot different than what the world means with that word.  We often equate joy to be the result of wealth, comfort and the satiation of our appetites.  Happiness comes when we are admired by others and free to do what we want.  That is not what Paul had in mind (Note: Phil 1:4, 2:18, I Thess 5:16).

Paul is in jail as he writes “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.”  He will be imprisoned a number of times before he is finally decapitated by Roman authorities.  Paul will be beaten and stoned by mobs, flogged, tortured and starved almost to death.  Three times he will be ship wrecked, all in the “joy” of the Christian life (II Cor 11:24-29).

The apostle is talking about a happiness not dependent on circumstance but a joy discovered within, even in the darkest times life can offer.  We often think of joy as escape from the pain of this world.  Paul finds joy in the midst of its suffering.

Old time ranchers will tell you that their favorite cattle were the Herefords.  In the heavy winter storms of the prairies, with freezing rains, below zero temps, violent winds and ice, most cattle turn their back to the storm and slowly drift downwind, mile upon mile.  Finally, intercepted by a boundary fence, they pile up against the barrier and die by the scores.  But the Herefords act differently.  Cattle of this breed instinctively head into the wind.  They stand shoulder to shoulder facing the storm’s blast.  You most always find the Herefords alive and well after the storm.  A rancher is quoted as saying, “I guess that is the greatest lesson I ever learned on the prairies…just face life’s storms.” (Norman Vincent Peale, Treasury of Joy and Enthusiasm, Fawcett Press, 1981)

The peace of God cannot be found by running away.  If all you are doing is hiding from the feelings of a broken heart that is not the peace which God offers.  God is near even in the storm.  That’s worth rejoicing about again and again.

At 88 years of age, John Wesley passed away on Wednesday, March 2, 1791. His last words were spoken twice, with great fervor, "The best of all is, God is with us." He lifted his arms and said again, "The best of all is, God is with us."   (James Lawson (ed), Deeper Experiences of Famous Christians (General, 2009) John Wesley by Albert C. Outler).    Of course, that’s also the name of Jesus, “Emmanuel” which means “God is with us” (Matthew 1:23).

            The joy Mary and Elizabeth share at the moment of their encounter…the joy that causes the baby to leap in Elizabeth’s womb…is the joy knowing that even while their nation is under foreign occupation, while they have had to personally face the scorn of shame, even in the mystery of being swept up in divine history, their joy is to know that God is with us.

            It can be our joy too.

             As we come to the last Sunday of Epiphany and begin the season of Lent next Sunday, we recall that we’ve been focusing on the “fruits of the spirit” listed by Paul in his letter to the Galatians (5:22-23).  Epiphany begins as the Magi bring gifts to the new king of Israel born in a Bethlehem manger.  It ends as prepare to journey with Jesus to the cross.

During these seven weeks we have considered the spiritual gifts of “…love, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and joy”.   The Holy Spirit promised to us by Jesus is present and active in the life of the disciple when we see those gifts.

 

As your new pastor it has been a joy for me to get to know Church of the Wayfarer these last seven months.  I am fully aware that many of our core leadership are concerned that we build up the church and get more people to come and join us.

COTW has real strengths on which to build: 

 

-Our leadership and participation in the Joining Hands benefit store is instrumental to its success. 

-Our Monterey Peninsula High School youth scholarship program connects with institutions and area populations of which we would never have access. 

-The spontaneous organization of last December’s “Stop Hunger Now” event which drew 30+ community people into our facility introduced them to COTW and our passion to make a difference in the world.

-Our participation in iHelp connects us with the homeless population of the Monterey Peninsula.

-Every day, visitors to Carmel come to our sanctuary and Wayfarer Garden, if just for a moment, to consider something larger than themselves.  These folk come from all over the world.  The notes they leave on the pages of the memory book in the entry way suggest that our openness really matters.  The addition for contemplative music to the sanctuary draws folk to stay a moment and pray. 

-There is a real sense of loving fellowship and connection amongst the core leadership, deeply committed to COTW.

 

Such strengths may or may not bring people in on Sunday mornings but filling up pews is not our job.  Our “job” is discipleship; to nurture and equip people to grow closer to God and each other.  At Wayfarer we call that “Reaching up, in and out”.  

So often we long-time church members frame our desire for new people to come to church in our need for volunteers on committees and new dollars contributed to pay the bills.  If that is what we mean by “building up the church” we will experience little institutional growth, especially among those under 50 years old.

Why would any non-church member or stranger to Christianity be attracted to an institution that offers them the primary opportunity to do chores and make financial contributions under the guise of joining a warm and loving family?  Maybe we are close to burnout ourselves with the volunteer tasks of the church and the requests for money.  We may be yearning for new, younger ones to pick up our burdens.   Such a motivation for “bringing in new members” guarantees failure, especially for those under 50 years old who are noted for placing little value on institutional loyalty.

What they do seek is non-institutional spirituality.  They seek a connection to God and the chance to make a positive contribution to their community and the world.  A growing majority of them see traditional church life as an obstacle to such goals.  Thus rather than framing our mission as a church to bring people into our sanctuary on Sunday mornings, the emerging church defines mission as those already in the church going out into the community to meet and engage with others.   COTW is blessed with a number of saints already doing just that!

D.T. Niles the famous 20th century evangelist in India once defined “evangelism” as “One hungry man telling another where to find the bread.”   Non-Christians and those identifying themselves as “spiritual not religious” will be attracted to church life when they see its positive difference in our lives. 

In other words, if we want our church to grow institutionally we have to live our faith out in the world, not just visit it on Sunday mornings.  When our passion to bring new members into our church life is based on the joy and purpose we have found as followers of Jesus people will come.  They will want to find what we have found that has made all the difference in our lives.

            When Elizabeth and Mary embraced in the desperation of their shame and the passion of their hope, as the babies in their wombs jumped for joy, they knew somewhere in the depth of their hearts that in spite of the madness of their…our…world, love gets the last word and the light of such promise has and will always overcome the darkness…now that’s joy!

 

            Amen.  

Fruit of the Spirit: Generosity

2 Corinthians 9:6-12

February 8, 2015

Mark S. Bollwinkel

 

            In our scripture lesson this morning the apostle Paul is trying to make a point and the point is this: “It’s how we give our money to the church not how much that matters to God.”

When we take our membership vows to uphold our church with “prayers, presence, gifts, service and witness” it means that our giving of time, talent, hands-on mission, prayers and sharing our faith with one another is as important if not more so than the money we give.  But Paul in this text is talking only about money; the financial support of the church’s ministry as been a sign of Christian discipleship. 

How we give it is a spiritual matter first and foremost.  We are not to give money to support the ministry of the church with reluctance, resentment, guilt or obligation.   We are to give our money “cheerfully”; in fact, the word in the original is the root for our English word “hilarious”.

In a UMVIM trip to South Africa in 2003 Bonnie and I worshipped at First UMC, Johannesburg.  The sanctuary was ‘standing room only’ with hundreds of people from all walks of life.  When it came time for the offering, music and drums were played as each and every person there danced to the altar to place in their offering.  It could have been a US $100 bill, it could have been a penny, and it didn’t matter…some folk even made change…we all danced with joy at the opportunity to give.  For our South African brothers and sisters seeing 17 Americans trying to dance in Africa styles was hilarious!

 It’s supposed to make us feel good to give.  It’s supposed to lift our spirits and fill us with purpose and meaning to give our money to something with a mission.   If we find that our hearts are full of doubt and fear when we give money to the church or worse, if we are indifferent in our giving, as if by tossing a $ 20 into the plate we are buying a ticket at the movies, it’s really better to keep that money to ourselves. 

Paul says, “The one who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the one who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.”

In his book Five Practices of Fruitful Congregations (Abingdon 2007) United Methodist Bishop Robert Schnase writes: “People perceive God as extravagantly generous, the giver of every good gift, the source of life and love.  People give because they serve a giving God.”  (Schnase, p. 108-109)

A widow that puts her pennies into the temple treasury “all she had to live on” is praised by Jesus as an example of extravagant generosity. (Luke 21:1-4) As is a prodigal’s father who welcomes home a ‘good for nothing’ son with robes, parties and a hug which the kid did not deserve (Luke 15:11-f).  

It is extravagant generosity that a traitor by the name of Zacchaeus, a collaborator with the Roman occupation, who became rich taking unfair taxes from his own people, meets the unconditional love of God in Jesus and gives it all back, to the poor and those he wronged (Luke 19:1-10).  It is extravagant generosity for a Samaritan who comes to the aid of a crime victim ignored by two holy men along the Jericho road and pays for the strangers’ housing and healing (Luke 10:35).

Paul describes generosity as a spiritual gift, one of the ‘fruits of the spirit’ along with “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22).  The Holy Spirit is at work when we give.

We all know the most famous scripture verse from the New Testament, “For God so loved the world that he gave…”  (John 3:16)   That’s what God does, God gives.

Bishop Schnase writes:

 

“Vibrant, fruitful, growing congregations practice Extravagant Generosity...they encourage their church members to grow in the grace of giving as an essential practice of Christian discipleship and as a congregation they practice generosity by their extraordinary support for missions, connectional ministries and organizations that change people’s lives.” (Schnase, p. 108)

 

Church of the Wayfarer receives significant legacy giving income from former members who remembered us in their wills and estates.   Our Wayfarer Foundation expertly manages our endowments for our outstanding scholarship program for local High School seniors and for certain current expenses. 

Are you aware of the Wayfarer Society?  Note the plaque in the entryway of the church on which are engraved the names of those friends and families that have planned for a gift to our church in their wills and estates.   If you’d like more information about how to become a member of the Wayfarer Society please see me. The extravagant generosity of those who have gone before us continues to carry us into the future.

            Extravagant generosity begins with a commitment to joyful giving of our time, talent and our money.  Extravagant generosity leaps at the chance to make a difference in our world with the resources God has given us to share.

            Bonnie and I participated in a national Alzheimer’s Association convention a few years ago in New Orleans, Louisiana.   One evening the 400 delegates paraded in the streets lead by an outstanding High School band, 100 members, drum major, flag tossers and jazz music as we celebrated the national effort to raise millions of dollars to fight this dreaded disease.  There is joy to be found in extravagant generosity.

Last year, Church of the Wayfarer contributed 100% of its missional apportionments of the California-Nevada United Methodist Conference.   Those dollars helped to rebuild First UMC Napa after the August 2014 earthquake.  They are a part of our “No More Malaria” effort to stamp out that disease in the tropical world.  The United Methodist hospitals, doctors and medical staff in Sierra Leon, West Africa that have played such a crucial role in halting the Ebola outbreak are supported by our apportionment dollars.  Such funds help support the pension and health care needs of our retired clergy.

Yes, we help to pay the mundane bureaucratic expenses of our institutional church…salaries, utilities, program expenses...with those dollars but they also fund life changing ministries here and around the world.  Our Salinas Hispanic ministry under the leadership of Rev. Maria Verdugo, receives such funding as well.   We are a part of an entire system of extravagant generosity.

            It is my intention to nurture Christian stewardship in this church. Bishop Schnase writes; “Stewardship focuses on the Christian’s need to give rather than the church’s need to receive…” (Schnase, p. 112)   Christian stewards don’t wait till the end of the month to see what’s left over to decide what to give to their church; they sit down and prayerfully consider what portion of the wealth God has entrusted to them they will give to the church and its missions.  The IRS says that in Northern California the average charitable giving deduction for a household is just under 2% of adjusted gross income.  Our religious tradition encourages us to reach a tithe of 10%.  But in the end it is not the numbers that matter so much as the heart with which we give. In the end it’s not how many dollars we give but that we spend them as if our money has a mission.

            There is an old Dennis the Menace cartoon depicting Dennis and his father in a church pew as the ushers collect the offering, passing the plates down the row.  During this scene Dennis says to his Dad, “Wouldn’t it be cheaper to buy season tickets?!”  

            There are many demands on our financial life.  For many of us money issues come with stress and anxiety.  Jesus knew this to be true 2,000 years ago when we said:

 

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

 

            Jesus knew the hold that money and material wealth can have on our hearts and he sought to set us free.

We worship a God whose extravagant generosity is poured out to us in the life, death and resurrection of the carpenter from Galilee.   Would that we would receive it with joy in our hearts, dancing with gratitude and love for the gift of life itself.  And as a result share all that we have and all that we are with extravagant generosity.

That’s a fruit of the Spirit!

 

Amen.

Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control

James 3:5b-10

 February 1, 2015

Mark S. Bollwinkel

 

We've been looking at a scripture lesson in Paul's letter to the church in Galatia and suggesting they are tools for faithful living. The apostle calls them "the fruits of the spirit"; "...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control..." (5:22-23). The Holy Spirit is at work when we live by these fruits.  They are outcomes of a life open to and in touch with the spirit of a loving God.  Today we’ll consider self-control.

There would be many areas in our lives which could be improved with self-control.  For the apostle Paul self-control regarding our emotions, our habits and our morality had everything to do with our spirituality. 

The writer of the Letter of James had the same thoughts when writing our verse for today, specifically as he addressed how we speak to and about each other; "...the tongue is a fire...with it we can bless or curse. Brothers and sisters we ought not to do this..."   In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says "...not to insult another in anger (Matthew 5:21-22)...” Jesus says ”...Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no' be 'no'...” (Matthew 5:37) and he says "...do not judge one another lest you be judged the same way...” (Matthew 7:1-2).  How we talk to and about each other has everything to do with our spirituality.

 

“Triangulation” is a psychological term for a common communications pattern where by we avoid conflicts, get involved with other people’s problems and often make matters worse. Person A will talk about person B’s issues, feelings and conflicts with any Person C they can find.   Like a triangle.   It happens at work, at school and in families.  It happens at church.  If we find ourselves willing and eager to talk about a problem with everybody else but the person we are having a problem, that’s triangulation.   It’s easier, more comfortable and in many situations a way to make a new friend rather than the difficult, uncomfortable and at times painful way of talking directly with the person with whom we are in conflict and actually working out the problem.  

Triangulation is at the heart of gossip and rumor.  It’s when we talk to anybody but the person or people who actually knows what’s going on.  With rumor and gossip we make up all sorts of conclusions and assumptions based on impartial information and third-hand input.   Rumor and gossip is a common way of sharing friendship and intimacy. Criticizing, judging and laughing at people behind their backs may be fun.  It certainly is easier than actually talking directly to the person with whom you have concerns.   But in the end such communication destroys relationships.   It demeans another.  It ultimately demeans you as the kind of person willing to hurt another for all the wrong reasons.

 

In Nigeria the United Nations World Health Organization had to suspend polio vaccinations for one year to deal with a rumor.   Thousands of people had refused to be vaccinated against polio due to a persistent rumor that the three drops of medicine taken orally would cause sterility in women.  It was rumored to be a Western plot to decrease the Muslim populations of Africa.  (PBS, 8/24/09)  We’ve all been watching the news about the measles outbreak originating in children whose parents refuse vaccinations based on hearsay and rumor.  

To avoid triangulation, when person A comes to talk to you about person B don’t become person C.  Listen with compassion and patience but don’t offer opinion, advice or criticism.  If you feel yourself being dragged into a conflict or encouraged to take sides, don’t!   Say with love and care, “…you need to talk to person B yourself…you need to work it out directly with person B…it won’t help anybody if I get involved, you can do it...”   This is especially true in families and about marriages.  

Jesus teaches that if we have a problem with another person we are to go to them and try to work it out.   He goes on to say that if direct communication doesn’t work to reconcile you to another it’s OK to bring along a trusted person to help (Matthew 18:15-20).  At work that might mean if you can’t work out a problem with a co-worker to ask a trusted manager to sit in with you as you try again; or at school a trusted teacher or counselor; for at home or in a marriage a therapist or pastor.

If you find yourself listening to gossip and rumor, again with compassion and patience, refuse to be a part of it by passing it on or adding to the speculation.  If the topic that is brought up concerns you encourage the speakers to check it out for themselves directly.  If the subject matters to you check it out directly yourself before pronouncing judgment and criticism.

This may seem like common sense, an issue not worthy of pulpit attention but as a pastor I can tell you how we talk to and about each other really, really matters at work, at home, at school and in the church. If we would only talk to each other more than about each other!   And our scriptures would suggest that it is at heart a spiritual matter.  In the end, how we treat each other is how we treat God.

Do you recall these names which were in the media a few years ago?   Megan Taylor Meier (age 13) of Missouri, Ryan Patrick Hallegin (age 14) and Alexis Pilkington (age 17) both of New York?  All killed themselves as a response to Cyberbullying.  Cyberbullying is the use of digital communication devices and media to shame, intimidate and ridicule another.  Since 2004, 20.8% of school aged children reported bullying incidents at school, 40.6% reported bullying behavior on-line (Cyberbullying Research Center). 

How many families are divided and estranged because of something hurtful that was said and passed along, sometimes years ago?  How many friendships have ended or never begun because of thoughtless and petty words?  Words can be a “forest fire” indeed wreaking havoc in their path.

As we take Holy Communion together this morning it’s an opportunity to remember God's love and grace for each one of us.  It’s also a moment to ask forgiveness, receive pardon and begin anew.  As we come to the Lord's Table this morning, maybe there will be a prayer in your heart…and certainly in mine…asking God to forgive an unkind word once spoken, a relationship damaged as a result and the commitment to speak with compassion to and of all others.

As my Aunt Betty would always say as my brother Paul and I yelled at each other as kids, "...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all..."   For our personal relationships all it takes is a little self-control.

 

Amen.